When We Close the Door to Happiness

The attraction is there. You’re certain of it. It’s a palpable, tangible, absolute force. Every single part of you wants to connect.

Smart. Attractive. Compassionate. You been waiting months, years—perhaps your entire life—to connect with someone who has all the attributes you’ve been looking for. Thrilled doesn’t begin to describe how you’re feeling. You’re over the moon. Ecstatic. It’s as if you just heard your heartbeat for the first time. You’re Dorothy opening your door to a world of color.

Then you slam the door closed. No rhyme nor reason.

“It’s not going to work,” you tell yourself. “It’s just not going to work.”

How many times have you cheated yourself of happiness? How many people have been left gazing upon that door? A door that represents fear, lies, anger, pain and causes others to doubt themselves and their ability to love?

How many nights have you lain awake in bed, once again alone, remembering moments spent together? Laughing, talking, sharing and creating something that could last forever? You start to rationalize, tell yourself it was better to end it before it became to serious, this way you won’t get to invested, less chance of being hurt.

They didn’t have the same political views you did; you really didn’t understand their religious choices. You couldn’t stand the thought of getting up early to listen to the birds or climbing mountains just doesn’t appeal to you. Maybe someone better will come along. You start to come up with every excuse possible and yet there is still that dull ache residing within your heart.

You want to move forward yet here you are, always in the same exact place. Your Yellow brick road will never lead you to Oz. Have you truly asked yourself why? Is it always the other person’s fault? Are you a blamer? Do you blame yourself in ways that still allow yourself to hold yourself back because they allow you to hide behind your fear? Do you use what you consider to be your shortcomings as an excuse to terminate relationships before they have had a chance to begin?

“We all build walls.” It is an age old, time worn excuse. We want to protect ourselves from harm. The ache that seems as if it will never leave us when we lose someone that we thought would always be with us. We forget the moments we smiled and laughed. All we remember is the pain, the fact that they are gone. We promise ourselves we will never love again. We literally are willing to deny ourselves this indescribable pleasure because of fear.

From the moment we are conceived we are connected to another. There is a heartbeat not belonging to us that echo’s through our very being. It is that connection, that intimacy we go throughout life wanting. That miraculous sound assures us that we are not alone, that we do not have to face our fears without someone beside us. We are created to be connected, so we search for that connection.

Men and women alike need and want love and intimacy. We see it everywhere we go. The thing is love isn’t like it is in the movies and we expect it to be all about us. Love me the way I want to be loved, when I want to be loved. Love can be messy and difficult but there is a beauty in that and it brings strength and courage and takes commitment and passion.

It is complicated and complicated dictates messy at times. This is when you need to know how to communicate with one another and realize that if this is what you want you are going to have to put energy, time and thought into this relationship. So that first moment, when you thought, “This person is perfect for me” well, you are going to have to keep those reasons alive.

Remember the reason why you fell in love, their smile, the stupid jokes, the way they looked at you and you forgot to breathe, when they stood by you when everything was falling apart. When you begin to put that wall up or want to push them away you are going to have to ask yourself, “Can I walk away from this person?” What can I offer this person? Tell yourself that you can and do love this person the way they deserve to be loved and that you are worthy of the love they give you in return.

Love doesn’t have rules. There is no handbook that will tell you what to do and how to do it. You are going to have to get in there and feel!

Being with another person is wanting them to be happy, it’s being willing to take risks. That doesn’t mean you push your happiness aside or stop being who you are it means you take the time to know them, the first thought in your head isn’t me or I. You begin to realize that their happiness and well-being is an extension of your own.

Don’t shut the door to your own happiness. Don’t allow fear to rule your heart. Follow your Yellow brick road with an open mind, open heart and a willingness to truly experience what love has to offer. Love yourself deeply, love another with all you are and know that regardless of the outcome nothing is more painful than not knowing what could have been.

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