Reclaiming Intimacy after a Major Life Change

You are a male and you have a penis. Let’s assume you have had said penis since birth for arguments sake and the purpose of the article. Everything you know about sexual intercourse, intimacy and pleasure of a sexual nature is in some manner tied up in your penis. This is not an accusation. It is an appendage that you have touched, that has been touched, that has been stimulated throughout the years and let’s be honest, has brought you as well as others great pleasure.

You have aged and now found yourself in a place where there is a possibility your health has affected you. Possibly a heart condition, prostate cancer, diabetes or an accident. There is a great deal of information on these conditions. Medical doctors that can treat you and aid you in recovery. Yet there are after effects of these conditions that linger. I am not a doctor but I do know that intimacy and the information needed to relearn intimacy are necessary in order to have a better quality of life.

How does one deal with something of such magnitude when they are already vulnerable? It is a very difficult situation and not one to be taken lightly. So much has already occurred and now there are more challenges ahead. Understanding that you are not alone, that there is help for you is essential. I realize it is frustrating to have had surgery or have had something happen to you beyond your control and have to face such a daunting task but you are worth it and should know that everything you want is possible if you are willing to make it happen.

It is possible to have a warm, crazy, loving relationship filled with passion and erotic moments. It is just a matter of being patient with yourself and letting go of what was, so that you can enjoy what can and will be.

Intimacy is far more than the connecting of bodies but we have been conditioned to believe that. Men are taught from an early age their penis is a symbol of vitality and masculinity. It is what makes them a man. Sperm is released through the penis, it is how they procreate. So what happens if your penis is no longer viable? Intercourse is but one way to connect. In many cases men that have been treated for prostate cancer are no longer able to achieve an erection. Yet they are still capable of feeling arousal and achieving an orgasm. Is it the same as ejaculating in the typical fashion? No, there is no semen, no erection, but there is pleasure.

It is necessary to relearn the art of intimacy. Touch, communication, to be open to exploring new options. Understand that like all things it takes a commitment and a willingness to achieve what it is you want.

In the case or prostate cancer as well as other conditions there are some options that can improve one’s sexual life. There are penial implants. It is a relatively short surgery in which an inflatable device is placed in your penis and scrotum. It can take four to six weeks to heal and antibiotics will most likely be necessary. Oral medications such as Viagra, Cialis or Levitra can be prescribed as well. Other options include a vacuum device that is used a few times a day to help the blood flow in the penis. Another option is a medication injected into the side or tip of your penis allowing the blood to be trapped and thus maintaining an erection.

Yet all I have given you so far are facts you could have gotten yourself. What I want to give you is more. I want to give you hope. I want to give you the skills and ability to see and feel things in a different way. To have the courage to acknowledge that yes, your body has changed yet you have the ability to feel deep passion and intimacy regardless of all else. That you have survived something that could have been tragic and yet here you are. Producing sperm does not in fact make you a man but is just a physical by product of arousal. You can still be aroused and feel pleasure as well as climax.

When you touch yourself or someone else, do it with renewed life. Don’t just touch, feel. Allow that feeling to enter you. You can feel warmth, you can feel the way another body or even your own reacts to touch. That is the beginning. It is allowing yourself to absorb everything. Understanding yourself will allow you to share with a partner. Climaxing was never what came out of you, it was always about what was in you, the feelings that were created, but we are so conditioned to pay attention to the outer that we lose site of the inner.

Do you want to be intimate? Do you want to find sexual satisfaction? If so are you willing to explore other options in order to achieve sexual satisfaction? You didn’t ask to be put in this situation but here you are and you need to decide how you are going to handle it.


Jennifer Stephan is an Intimacy Coach hell bent on moving people forward so that they can have a better quality of life. Yes, she is certified in coaching from a reputable establishment. She truly believes that intimacy is a blending of mind, body and soul. Communication is also key. She is a tiny tornado seeking to destroy sexual barriers, unlock the doors for those that feel shame and defender of rights for all.

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