You have questions, many of them. Not just questions but feelings and you have no idea who to ask or where to look for help. Your main focus was recovering from surgery, survival because let’s face it that is instinctual. Your questions range from “When will I get an erection” to “Will I ever get an erection again” to “How do I have sex without an erection” and many in-between questions.
It easy for others to tell you it is just a matter of time or that there are drugs that can “help”. The fact of the matter is that there has been a very real change that has occurred with your body. You have a right to be worried, angry and confused. It is also important to understand that there are things you can do to improve your situation. Like all things in life there are steps to go through. The first one is understanding that this is happening to you. Everyone experiences it differently but you are not alone. The second is understanding that you are a sexual being.
It is not unusual for people to confuse sex and sexuality, intimacy with the need to want to have intercourse. Sex and intimacy are difficult for most people to discuss. As a society we have decided we will only talk about it behind closed doors. We find it difficult to talk about it with our partners, friends and often our doctors. Often it becomes a taboo subject therefore making us feel ashamed.If you are a man that has had prostate cancer, has a heart condition, diabetes or takes medication you understand that erectile dysfunction can be a very real problem that effects many aspects of your life. Your relationships, how you view yourself, and how you interact with the outside world. For many men it isn’t even something discussed with their medical professional prior to treatment. It comes as a complete surprise leaving them feeling ambushed.
As human beings we all desire human contact. Understand that regardless of what has happened you are still capable of intimacy as well as sexual gratification. Sex is the actual act of intercourse. Sexuality is the mind and soul. It is your ability to be fluid in your body. You are not just a single part, but a whole being. Therefore you are capable of many things. While your penis may not be erect you are still able to feel sensations and will enjoy being touched and stroked. You are also capable of stimulating your partner.
Intimacy is communicating. It is sharing thoughts and ideas. It is creating an environment in which you feel safe to share your body, mind and soul. It can be an incredible experience to allow yourself to be that vulnerable. So how do you do all of this? It takes an open mind. It takes hard work and a willingness to explore.
For men with ED issues there are options. I am sure you have researched them in depth but for those of you that haven’t.
- A pump specifically designed for men with ED
- Penile Implants
There are also counselors, therapists and coaches that specialize in sexuality. It is important to find someone that you feel comfortable with and that understands your needs. There are also many forums and discussion groups online where you may find some support and find a community of like-minded men.
I am not here to blow smoke up your ass. It is a long journey and not an easy one. What you have been through is difficult and the changes suck. Men in particular often are overlooked when it comes to things of this nature. It is a big deal and I get it. The road is long but believe when I tell you that there are things you can do and you are a sexual beast. If you have come this far then nothing can stop you now. Things are going to be different but that doesn’t mean it won’t be incredible.
If you are experiencing ED start being sexual with yourself now. Let your thoughts wander and appreciate your body. If you feel comfortable ask your partner to explore with you. Don’t put pressure on yourself for anything else. Just start there and enjoy your thoughts and take it from there. It is a journey, one step at a time.
Jennifer Stephan is an Intimacy Coach hell bent on moving people forward so that they can have a better quality of life. Yes, she is certified in coaching from a reputable establishment. She truly believes that intimacy is a blending of mind, body and soul. Communication is also key. She is a tiny tornado seeking to destroy sexual barriers, unlock the doors for those that feel shame and defender of rights for all.